This Year

PHILOSOPHY WITH FRIENDS VOL. 1

"Just the act alone of America disbanding its military in an effort for world peace will cause a ripple effect across the world.  In that completely defenseless state if another country were to attack us they would likely be attacked by the rest of the world.  Even our founding fathers have said that the position of president is in essence the position of a king." - Sean Rebaldo

"DMT is like the key to another world: another world's gate. Once you're past those gates you don't just get to see it, you get to feel it.  You are there on that journey five-hundred thousand years ago with those important beings close to you crossing that thousand mile ice bridge from the present day Russia to the present day Alaska on that heroic journey.  Altering consciousness with foreign chemicals, yielding a chemical imbalance which sets you on the ship to hyperspace to meet your ancestors and yourself." - Aaron McFarland

I encourage conversation about Aaron and Sean's thoughts in the comments section.

"Open up your murder eyes and see the ugly world that spat you out.
 Open up your ugly mouth and sing the words it taught you, spit them out."
     - "Temple Grandin," Andrew Jackson Jihad

LITERATURE ANALYSIS #3

Child of God by Cormac McCarthy

1.  The inciting incident in Child of God is the sale of Lester's house by the bank.  He is cast out into the mountains, where he finds an abandoned house he makes his home.  This novel is very exposition heavy.  It is not about the plot, but the character. 
2.  The themes of Child of God include loneliness, humanity, and nature.  Perhaps the most effective scene in the novel is when Lester stumbles upon two naked dead bodies and proceeds to have sex with the woman and drag her back to his abandoned house.  This scene, while at first cringe worthy, is a representation of the animal- the child of nature- that each person is before a human being.  Lester becomes dehumanized in a way- cast off and shunned from society.  He lives on base instincts and primal urges. 
3.  McCarthy's tone is very deadpan and cynical.  He presents the abnormal or that which is considered morally wrong by the public in the straightforward of ways.  It becomes apparent soon that Lester is a disgusting person, but McCarthy addresses him with a casual and laid back tone.
4.
     1. "I'll tell ye another thing he done one time." (Page 35).  Here is an example of the change in McCarthy's diction as he places you into another character's outlook.
     2. McCarthy's diction is much different when narrating, "Ballard descended by giant stone stairs to the dry floor of the quarry.  The great rock walls with their cannelured faces and featherdrill holes composed about him an enormous amphitheatre." (Page 38).
     3. "Ballard has come in from the dark dragging sheaves of snowclogged bracken and he has fallen to crushing up handfuls of this dried or frozen stuff and cramming it into the fireplace." (Page 66).  McCarthy takes a turn in style here by writing in the present tense, which feels slightly abnormal since the rest is written in the past tense.
     4. "You better stay away from here, called Ballard from the porch.  He was shivering there in the cold.  That's what you all better do." (Page 94).  This expresses Ballard's isolationism- his complete removal from other human beings.  This is due to his character- not only do people not want to be around him, but he doesn't want to be around people.
     5.  "He got a fire going in the hearth and with wooden fingers undid the frozen lacings of his shoes and levered them from the shank of his foot, banging the heels on the floor until they came off." (Page 101).  Ballard's fingers are clearly not wooden, but cold to the point of stiffness.
     6.  "You think people was meaner then than they are now? the deputy said.  The old man was looking out at the flooded town.  No, he said.  I don't.  I think people are the same from the day God first made one." (Page 168).
     7.  "A winter dreadful cold it was.  He thought before it was over that he would look like one of the bitter spruces that grew slant downwind out of the shale and lichens on the hogback." (Page 136).  This is an amazing instance of imagery, and really allows the reader to visualize the cold of the winter.
     8. "As he whirled about there in the kitchen door the last thing he saw through the smoke was the idiot child.  It sat watching him, berryeyed filthy and frightless among the pyramid flames." (Page 120).  Context: Ballard has just shot the child's mother, and burns the house down with the child in it to hide the evidence.  The reason Ballard took this woman's life was because she would not have sex with him.  This scene is important, in that it that it develops Balard's character and gives the reader further insight into a sociopathic mind.  Ballard doesn't care about who is hurt or killed, and insists he gets his way.  He is like an adult toddler with a rifle in place of a rattle, except he understands what death is.
     9. "He sounded like a man with a mouthful of marbles, articulating his goatbone underjaw laboriously, the original one having been shot away." (Page 46).  A very Cormac McCarthy style image.
     10. "Ballard crouched on his heels with the rifle between his knees.  He told the snow to fall faster and it did." (Page 139).


(IN PROGRESS)

CHARACTERIZATION:
1.  Lester Ballard does not like people.  As the novel progresses, we see that this man is a sociopath, but he is also a simple product of nature, or "God."  He is also a very proud person in that he hates to be looked down on.  After he tries to negotiate the price of his groceries with the storekeeper, Ballard becomes extremely angry when he is told to put something back.  "Ballard's face was twitching." (Page 126).  Ultimately Ballard would rather pay and take everything, in order to prove a point.  "I ain't puttin a goddamn thing back, said Ballard, laying out five dollars and slapping down the dime." (Page 126).
2.  The change in McCarthy's diction when dialogue is introduced is frenetic.
3.  Lester is a very round but static character.  He does not change dramatically throughout the novel, but his character is well developed. 
4.  Lester Ballard feels like a real person.  He is a portrait of a human person, albeit not a very nice one. 

Why the New UK Porn Laws Can Go Fuck Themselves

Certain sexual positions in pornography have been banned in the UK.  The positions now banned include face sitting, spanking, and female ejaculation among many others.  I find this misogynist new law set rather sickening; men can still ejaculate on camera and basically do whatever they want.  The law aims at women, and what they can or can't do.  This is another case of lawmakers controlling women sexually.  These laws are offensive and a spit in the face of gender equality.  They don't prevent citizens from watching videos that contain these acts- they only make it illegal for UK production companies or individuals to perform them and film them from here on out.

This is another case of the exponentially growing censorship of the internet as well as the disgusting suppression of the sexual freedoms of women.  Rights that consenting adults have are being shuffled, picked and chosen from by the government.  Everything the government has outlawed was consensual and between adults.  While underage porn and violence against women have proven to be a huge problem in the industry that must be addressed, censorship of legal sexual acts is not a solution.

What the government has done to women with these laws is offensive.  Women have been told yet again that their sexual freedom is secondhand to that of men, and this is not okay. 
Banning face sitting and other acts depicting females receiving pleasure from legal online porn is kind of like a father forcing his daughter to wear a chastity belt.



1.  "Porn protest: UK laws banning erotic acts should be annulled, Lib Dem MP says."  O'Connor, Roisin.  December 12, 2014.  http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/uk-porn-laws-banning-erotic-acts-should-be-annulled-lib-dem-mp-says-9920040.html
2. "The New UK Porn Laws Ban Facesitting, Spanking, and Female Ejaculation." Barrow, Jo.  December 2, 2014.  http://www.buzzfeed.com/jobarrow/the-new-uk-porn-laws-ban-facesitting-spanking-and-female-eja

Poetry Essay

Edgar Allan Poe's "Alone" is a reflection of who Poe was as a person.  It is a condensed outpouring of emotion designed to express to the reader feelings that would otherwise be impossible to understand.  The power of poetry is its ability to express emotion more so than simple speech.   Derek Mahon's "Everything is Going to be Alright" is another emotional outcry, albeit very different than Poe's.

While "Alone" is more negative and gloomy,  "Everything is Going to be Alright" is hopeful and upbeat.  Mahon's poem isn't so much an expression of his own emotion but a hopeful look towards the future.  "How should I not be glad to contemplate the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window and a high tide reflected on the ceiling?" Mahon asks.  Why pass up an opportunity to enjoy the little things?

Poe suffered through depression and other mental illness his entire life, and "Alone" is a physical representation of that.  "From childhood’s hour I have not been as others were—I have not seen as others saw—I could not bring my passions from a common spring."  Poe highlights how different he feels from others mentally; his depression has cut him off from the "Everything is Going to be Alright" members of society.

"There will be dying, there will be dying,
but there is no need to go into that," Mahon says in his poem.  Try as he might,  Poe can't help but go into that and focus on the negative things.
"And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view."
This cloud represents Poe's depression.  Though the rest of the sky is blue, his vision is focused on the demon-shaped cloud.   It blocks the rest of his vision and locks him on a path that he can't get off of.

In some ways, "Alone" and "Everything is Going to be Alright" are polar opposites,  but in other ways they are very similar.  Both are expressions of thoughts and feelings, but "Alone" is negative while "Everything is Going to be Alright" is positive and upbeat.

"I can't even go to the bathroom without a work order. " - RHS janitor to RHS security

Just in case you thought students were the only ones getting fucked by the Righetti administrative staff and the goddamn school board.

Cop who choked Eric Garner to death NOT indicted

Medical officials ruled Garner's death a homicide when he was choked to death by police. No regular chokehold should completely cut off a person's airway. If you are holding onto someone so hard that they can't breathe, you are aware of how tight your hold is. Despite Garner's cries that he couldn't breathe, the officer did not loosen his grip. The officer who killed him just got away completely free, no repercussions.

Garner's "crime" was selling untaxed cigarettes, and he lost his life for it.

See more: http://www.vice.com/read/a-grand-jury-just-decided-not-to-indict-the-cop-who-put-eric-garner-in-a-lethal-chokehold-1203?utm_source=vicefbus

I call this murder.  What about you?
Here is video of his death:

"Looking out the window and I can't help but wonder,
That god must be one sick motherfucker.
So I bust a nut in the sky,
Spend another day, waiting to die."       - Mickey Avalon

INTRO TO POETRY

"Alone" by Edgar Allan Poe

1.  The title "Alone" perfectly represents the tone and themes of the poem. 
2.  The tone of this poem is depressing and lonely.
3.  My mood was the same as that of the poem.
4.  There is a shift in technique but not really in theme.  The first half of the poem details how the narrator since childhood has felt different from other people.  The second half uses metaphors to represent his feelings.
5.  The main themes of this poem are loneliness, being an outcast, and depression.
Here he express his difference compared to other people and how it has left him lonely.
"From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone."

HAMLET QUOTE ESSAY

"O! That this too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew."

In act one scene two of the play, Hamlet's utterance of the words, "O! That this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew," serves to broaden the audience's understanding as well as to expand Hamlet's own understanding.  He addresses depression and anger with who he is as a person.  This quote is not intended to be taken entirely literally; he wishes to die but also to become a different person and to not feel the way he does.

Hamlet feels caged inside of his skin; he does not necessarily want to die, but he can't stand his current position.  This quote can be interpreted in a multitude of ways.  First, Hamlet feels anchored down by his "too solid flesh."  He doesn't feel free and wants to tear out of his flesh like a child tearing through a wrapped present.  At one point or another every living human has wanted to change who he or she is.  This could be either mentally or physically; in this instance Hamlet is clearly undergoing a mental struggle. 

This quote is also a sign that Hamlet is suffering from depression.  He does not enjoy his physical existence, but suffers through it.  He struggles with thoughts of death and suicide, thus wishing his flesh would turn into a dew.  More than the act of death, Hamlet wants to simply stop existing.  He would rather his skin "resolve itself into a dew" in order for him to drift away peacefully and not be the one pressing a knife against his own throat.

Hamlet's apathy and depression show through in this quote, which shows his will to die but also his hesitation to kill himself.  Much like a real person, Hamlet isn't one hundred percent sure of what he wants.  He is torn between who he is and who he wants to be.  The liquid dew provides a contrast to the solid flesh, representing Hamlet's inner struggle.

LITERATURE ANALYSIS #2

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

1.  Slaughterhouse-Five has an extremely non-linear narrative.  Part of the story tells of Billy's time on Tralfamadore, and part tells of his time in World War II.  Tralfamadore is an alien planet Billy creates in his mind after a plane crash from implied brain damage.  The narrative is structured so that the timeline jumps around.  Nothing is in chronological order.  This serves Vonnegut's purpose in that it represents the Tralfamadorian view of time, which is that everything exists now.  There is no past or future, every moment is already laid out.  Billy observes this while on the planet and it helps him revisit moments he'd lived through in the war.
2.  Slaughterhouse-Five deals with themes of war, humanity, and the nature of time.  This novel serves a larger purpose than entertainment in that it is very anti-war; it was a platform for Vonnegut, who served in World War II, to express his stance on war.  The frank scenes of the novel do nothing to glorify war.  The one that repeatedly pops into mind is the post-feast prison camp American shitfest.  What is so moving about this scene is that Vonnegut reveals this part of the story was based on his own war experience.
Time is addressed differently in this novel than it usually is.  It is not a line with a starting point and an end, but rather resembles a deck of cards laid out on a table.  All moments exist at once; past and future are inventions of men.
Humanity and its absence in time of war is also a heavy theme.  The bombing of Dresden resulted in some 160,000 deaths is only an example of the careless throwing away of human lives.  From the harsh, life taking conditions of trains and prisons, to the erupting violence, mankind remains merciless in war.
3.  Vonnegut's tone is very bleak and, while cynical, also a bit hopeful.  "On the eighth day, the forty-year-old hobo said to Billy, 'This ain't bad.  I can be comfortable anywhere.'  'You can?' said Billy.  On the ninth day, the hobo died.  So it goes.  His last words were, 'You think this is bad?  This ain't bad.'"  Is 'this ain't bad' a hopeful statement, or an acknowledgement that things can still get worse? 
"Billy had an extremely gruesome crucifix hanging on the wall of his little bedroom in Ilium.  A military surgeon would have admired the clinical fidelity of the artist's rendition of all Christ's wounds- the spear wound, the thorn wounds, the holes that were made by the iron spikes.  Billy's Christ died horribly.  He was pitiful."  This pitiful Christ represents the victims of war; there is no glory, but only slow and bloody death.  This paints Vonnegut's picture of war. 
Again, Vonnegut's pitiful war, "Human beings in there were excreting into steel helmets which were passed to the people at the ventilators, who dumped them.  Billy was a dumper."  This matter-of-fact statement regarding Billy's status as a dumper shows the truth of the situation, no sugarcoating.
4.  1.  "It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a nation of poor.  Every other nation has folk traditions of men who were poor but extremely wise and virtuous, and therefore more estimable than men with power and gold.  No such tales are told by the American poor." (Page 163).  America is compared with other nations regarding its wealth gap and singled out as one of the only countries that gives no respect to its poor.
2.  A reference to a painting is made to draw an image into the reader's mind.  "He was the central clown in an unconscious travesty of that famous oil painting, 'The Spirit of '76.'" (Page 182).
3.  "If he had been a dog in a city, a policeman would have shot him and sent his head to a laboratory, to see if he had rabies.  So it goes." (Page 183).  Without saying much about Lazzaro's behavior, Vonnegut gives the reader a good idea of how he's acting with this technique of comparing him to a rabid dog.
4.  "Billy, with his memories of the future, knew that the city would be smashed to smithereens and then buried-in about thirty more days." (Page 191).  Of course, one cannot have a memory of the future.  This future memory is an oxymoron, used to illustrate Billy's new perception of time.
5.  "'All the real soldiers are dead,' she said." (Page 203).  Reinforcing his cynical tone, Vonnegut reminds the reader of the nature of war and its capacity to obliterate.
6.  "She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies." (Page 217).  Another way of calling someone dumb or boring but attractive.
7.  "The master of ceremonies asked people to say what they thought the function of the novel might be in modern society, and one critic said, 'To provide touches of color in rooms with all-white walls.'  Another one said, 'To describe blow-jobs artistically."  Another one said, 'To teach wives of junior executives what to buy next and how to act in a French restaurant." (Page 263).
8.  "Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops." (Page 48).  This sentence is a very powerful representation of American consumerism.
9.  "And Billy took a very short trip through time, made a peewee jump of only ten days, so he was still twelve, still touring the West with his family." (Page 113).  Billy does not literally travel through time, but remembers the past.
10.  "Billy was unconscious for two days after that, and he dreamed millions of things, some of them true.  The true things were time-travel." (Page 200).  These things are true because they are Billy's memories, not because he literally traveled through time while asleep.

CHARACTERIZATION
1.  Direct Characterization:
     1.  "There, inches from the tips of Weary's combat boots, were the pitiful buttons of Billy's spine." (Page 64).  Billy is clearly very skinny and weak.  Vonnegut directly describes Billy lying on the floor here, his bony spine visible.
     2.  "And then Billy was a middle-aged optometrist again, playing hacker's golf this time- on a blazing summer Sunday morning." (Page 107).  This gives a healthier view of Billy, directly describing his occupation and age.
     Indirect Characterization:
     1.  "Billy coughed when the door was opened, and when he coughed he shit thin gruel." (Page 101).  A very sickly image of Billy is conjured here by Vonnegut, though he doesn't say anything about Billy's state of health directly.
     2.  "Another time Billy heard Rosewater say to a psychiatrist, 'I think you guys are going to have to come up with a lot of wonderful new lies, or people just aren't going to want to go on living.'" (Page 128).  Rosewater is clearly a cynical, probably depressed man.  This dialogue gives the reader insight into his character.
2.  Vonnegut's diction and syntax do vary depending on character.  "Outside the plane, the machine named Valencia Merble Pilgrim was eating a Peter Paul Mound Bar and waving bye-bye." (Page 196).  Here is an example of changing diction: Vonnegut would not use words like "bye-bye" when speaking of other characters.  This is used to indirectly make Valencia seem childlike.  His diction also changes when discussing the war, with more intense words used like "contempt" and "obliterated." 
3.  Billy is definitely a round, dynamic character.  Pieces from each time period of his life are included in the novel, giving the reader a view of how the war changed Billy as an individual and damaged his mind.  His characteristics change and it becomes apparent quickly that he is not a static character.  He is round in that he has a wide range of emotions and reactions.
4.  I felt like Billy was a real person by the end of the novel.  He was a broken person who had been through hell, not a superhuman hero.  He seemed very human and remained relatable to the average person the whole way through.

LOCKDOWN

Holy shit, I really hate humans.  Especially the kind who cannot handle high school fights and feel the need to consistently institute lockdowns, which are supposed to be for emergencies.  There are already police on campus- what purpose do they serve?  Why are they here if they're just going to call the rest of the department over when a fight or anything similar occurs?  Not only is having a lockdown incredibly irresponsible of the Righetti staff, it's fucking stupid.  It's a waste of resources, time, and energy.

It already bothers me that we have cops with guns on campus.  I was lucky enough to have left before the lockdown, but one of my friends told me one of the many cops on campus was carrying a bean bag shotgun.  This pisses me off quite a bit.  Guns (pistols as well as nonlethal ones) should not be the response to high school kids acting out.

I can't wrap my head around how the dipshits in office think lockdowns are appropriate responses to bullshit fighting.  In my opinion this is more irresponsible than a stupid kid pulling a fire alarm.  Keeping students locked in caused more chaos than dealing with the issue like responsible school officials.  It seems at the very least a few additional units could have been called in quietly to deal with it.

I am sick of, as a student, being treated as guilty until proven innocent.  I cannot express my anger with everything this administration is, but here are some words I've got to describe them: incompetent assholes, idiots, dickheads, douchebags, pieces of shit, self-righteous fucks, scumbags.

All we can do it seems is complain, and they'll never care enough to listen.  I am sick of this kind of shit.
I have never seen a weapon on school grounds except for those carried by the police.  I do not feel protected.

Hamlet Essay - Prompt #1

Past a point words seamlessly transcend paper and become action.  Hamlet's speech throughout the play is action in itself; it stirs him and other characters into taking further action and frames their next movements.  His soliloquies alone give the reader or viewer of the play a sense of Hamlet's own "self-overhearing."  The way human beings speak of things- or think of them- affects the actions we take next.  The very concept of memory is a reflection upon past events, and speech often keeps these events alive.

Hamlet's melodramatic "To be or not to be..." soliloquy transports the viewer of the play inside of his mind, a feat that is difficult to visualize.  It changes the viewers' expectations of Hamlet, and of his following actions.  Hamlet is very passionate and clearly upset in this soliloquy.  It is equivalent to action in that it shows the viewer the emotional turmoil he is enduring.  It often takes action for one to understand something like that, so the fact that speech is capable of the same is usually overlooked or ignored.

The plot of "Hamlet" relies upon this concept.  Were speech incapable of constituting action, Hamlet's supremely famous "To be or not to be..." would not exist, or at the very least would not be appreciated.  There are many occurrences in which speech changes the reality around it in the play.  For example, when Hamlet verbally goes on the attack against his mother, his tirade is changing the characters' actions.  Hamlet's mother feels the words like "daggers"; she is physically moved by his violent language. 

As an individual, self-overhearing plays a part in everyday life for me as well.  At the end of the day, as I review the choices I have made, I change the choices I will make the next day to at least a small degree.  I have constantly changing expectations- a constantly changing view of the human race as a whole.  This type of "self-overhearing" is what goes through Hamlet's mind.  It is at times a form of self-analysis and at others a simple self-observance.  Ultimately, speech is more than what we consider dialogue.  It is its own form of action; a force that creates a measurable push.

Hamlet Essay - Prompt #2

Madness is a theme that runs throughout Hamlet, though there is no proof that the title character himself is mad.  Hamlet is an adolescent male; he is still growing and has not yet come to terms with himself.  He is not insane: this so-called insanity is entirely an act that Hamlet uses to achieve his ends.  At this point in his life he is overwhelmed and feels helpless, but he is entirely in control of his mind and actions.  Hamlet is an actor.  Elements like the ghost and the fishmonger conversation are used to support this theory of Hamlet's madness, but they can be interpreted in multiple ways.

His ability to see the ghost serves the story and can be taken in one of two ways: Hamlet is insane and seeing things, or the ghost of his father really is present.  It is up to the viewer or reader of the play to make the final decision as to whether Hamlet is mad or not.  The appearance ghost is often used as evidence of this madness, but this is not necessarily true.  The ghost is not just a character but a plot devise used to bring confirmation that Claudius is the murderer of Hamlet Senior. 

Hamlet's supposed insanity is addressed in other situations, like when he calls Polonius a fishmonger, apparently pretending he doesn't know him.  Hamlet appears to not know Polonius and to think he's a fishmonger, though he has obviously known Polonius for quite some time.  This is a moment in which Hamlet is pretending to be insane in order to gain an upper hand in the situation.  If people think he's insane, he can get away with more and he can creatively use it to his advantage.

This state of borderline insanity that people believe Hamlet is in is not an unusual way to behave for anyone whose father was unjustly killed.  Hamlet is already in a state of mourning.  The combination of this and his extreme anger with Claudius created not a true insanity, but a need for revenge.  This then led to Hamlet feigning insanity.  Not only this, but Hamlet is also scared by the thought of having to kill Claudius, which adds an edge to him and his feelings.

Were Hamlet alive in the modern world, whether or not he is insane would still be up for debate.  In the hundreds of years since Shakespeare, humans have made many further medical advancements but still do not fully understand insanity.  Still, Hamlet's behavior would mirror that of a modern teenager going through the ups and downs of daily life.  Hamlet's anger is very human and very relatable- revenge is not an abnormal wish.

Off With Their Heads - In Desolation

I deeply love this album- it's become more than music to me.  Any music that means something to you personally shows the connection we have between speech and action.

Link to Hamlet Class Soliloquy Video

LITERARY FICTION AND EMPATHY

Reading literary fiction can improve your ability to empathize with others because these works force you to view things from the eyes of the characters in them.  It is much easier to relate to people when their characters are heavily developed.  Because of the openness of literature much less time is needed to develop fictional characters than real life people.  People who are biased towards one specific way of thinking may reconsider their positions if their favorite character is swayed the other way.  Sometimes all it takes is a well written explanation of the idea to convince people.

Hamlet is a character-driven play, making it a great example of this.  Because of the situation Hamlet is in, he is very easy for most people to empathize with.  His character is also relatable, mostly due to his soliloquies.  His open display of emotion (intense anger, sadness) helps connect the character to the audience more.

VOCABULARY #6

abase - cause to feel shame; hurt the pride of
Example:  I will enjoy abasing you in front of your peers, just when you feel most secure.

abdicate - to cast off; to give up power (as in government)
Example:  The king's choices were abdication or death; he chose the first.

abomination - an action that is vicious or vile; an person or thing that arouses disgust or abhorrence
Example:  It was only after releasing my art to the world that I realized what an abomination it truly was.

brusque - marked by rude or peremptory shortness
Example:  The brusque secretary angered me like no one else had all week.

saboteur - someone who commits sabotage or deliberately causes wrecks; a member of a clandestine subversive organization who tries to help a potential invader
Example:  The saboteur surveyed the oil refinery as he planned his attack.

debauchery - a wild gathering involving excessive drinking and promiscuity
Example:  I am in need of some Boardwalk Empire style debauchery.

proliferate - cause to grow or increase rapidly; grow rapidly
Example:  She stared at the ringing phone, hesitant to answer it, knowing that it would either proliferate her career or destroy it entirely.

anachronism - an artifact that belongs to another time; a person who seems to be displaced in time; who belongs to another age; something located at a time when it could not have existed or occurred
Example:  His car was an anachronism; it seemed to have come straight from the 1920s yet looked brand new.

nomenclature - a system of words used to name things in a particular discipline
Example:  I couldn't care less about your nomenclature- I'll stick with slang.

expurgate - edit by omitting or modifying parts considered indelicate
Example:  The editor tried to expurgate the journalist's article, but did not accomplish much.

bellicose - having or showing a ready disposition to fight
Example:  The skinny figure stood in the doorway, all bones and no muscle, but I saw in his bellicose eyes that he would not hesitate to break my neck.

gauche - lacking social polish
Example:  She assumed she was much more gauche than she actually was, and was embarrassed over the littlest things.

rapacious - excessively greedy and grasping
Example:  The rapacious businessman using a tragedy to make a profit made me sick.

paradox - a statement that contradicts itself
Example:  Existence is a paradox in itself.

conundrum - a difficult problem
Example:  I threw my textbook out the window after the conundrum wiggled around in my brain for over an hour.

anomaly - a person who is unusual; deviation from the normal or common order or form or rule
Example:  The anomalous test score prompted the teacher to investigate a student for cheating, even though the cause of the high score was studying.

ephemeral - lasting a very short time; anything short-lived
Example:  The night was ephemeral- and we knew that when the sun rose the police would hunt us down.

rancorous - showing deep-seated resentment
Example:  I will not apologize to you for my rancorous behavior; you deserve it.

churlish - having a bad disposition; surly; rude and boorish
Example:  The churlish man under his purple shirt and black sunglasses smiled like a smug little bitch as he deprived me of my supposed "rights."

precipitous - characterized by precipices; extremely steep; done with very great haste and without due deliberation
Example:  The precipitous novel received mixed reviews- some called it rushed, others called it an amazing achievement.

PHONAR ASSIGNMENT

  Based on Michael David Murphy's "Lit Like Oz." 

http://www.unphotographable.com/archives/2007/06/lit_like_oz.html

Great Clerks Scene

CANTERBURY OUTLINE

• The Sea Captain's Tale (Shipmanne's Tale)
• About a merchant and his wife, and a young monk (Dan John)
• Merchant gave private loan of 100 francs to Dan John 
• He then pays the merchant's wife the francs in exchange for sex
• The merchant finds out about this at the end but is not too angry
• Dan John is about 30 years old
• Light, humorous tone
• Casual mood
• Simple plot told in a very lengthy way
• The monk character is paying for sex, which clearly goes against "monk code"
• This shows Chaucer's contrasting attitude, and his connection to the everyday person, acknowledging that even "holy" people are flawed
• Dan John leaves the next morning, and no one knows he paid "wife" for sex
• The wife is not given a name at all, nor is the merchant
• In this way it's possible that Dan John could be considered the protagonist, depending on perspective
• Dan John confesses to the merchant that he slept with his wife
• The merchant is probably the main character/protagonist
• He is in the middle of it- the monk Dan John, who he's friendly with, slept with his wife
• Other main characters are the wife and monk

Anxious & Angry

This is the only podcast I listen to, because it's the only one that always keeps my interest.  Listen.

http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/anxious-and-angry

CHARACTER STUDY NARRATIVE

Eighty percent of these people are assholes.  They're pretentious and condescending- the exact kind of people I want nothing to do with.  The other twenty percent make up for it though; there are some great people here.  I've made a few friends, but no one very close.  I was in a relationship that was going pretty well for a couple of months, but it just didn't work out.  I eventually disappointed her one too many times, just like I do with everyone else.  I also pissed off one of those friends, who left me with the gift of a black eye the last time I saw him.  Three months into freshman year, I sat at my desk most of the day, studying for this class or that one while listening to an endless stream of records.

I was lonely then, even though I had some friends to hang out with.  I just had no interest in hanging out with them, and kept giving excuses until they stopped asking me to go places.  After that I kept up a friendly façade; I smiled and laughed at stupid jokes and made meaningless small talk with the people I knew, but didn't want to hang out with.  I went on this way, studying and working a part time job at Taco Bell, for a few months.  I didn't go out with friends, or go to parties.  I studied and then knocked myself out with heavy sleeping aids.

I assumed I was doing well in all of my classes- this studying really seemed to be helping me on the tests.  That was until November, when the professor of my business class told me I was failing.  I got that sinking feeling in my stomach, realizing I hadn't been keeping up with the tests and work in many classes.  This guy was nice enough to warn me, because the class was small.  Others, I knew, didn't give a shit.  I couldn't blame them, with classes of more than a couple hundred students.  I studied even harder then, pumping out the work that I needed to scrape by.  Before I knew it, the semester was at its end.  I did well enough on my business final to pass my business class, just barely.  I failed calculus, but passed everything else.  Oh well.  Failure is the best form of learning.

And then the semester was over, and winter was in full effect.  My family wanted me to come home and visit, but I was reluctant to.  I don't know why, and I can't explain it to you.  It was just the way I felt; I wanted freedom and individuality.  I didn't want to spend any more time in my shitty high school bed underneath my parents' roof.  I felt guilty about not wanting to go though, because I do care about my family.  I was certain that they must think me a terrible person.

I'd rather be alone than make other people feel bad, and that's what I tend to do when I'm around positive people.  I have a noxious personality; I'm far too pessimistic.  Oh well.  They've dealt with my negativity for the rest of my life, so I figure if I just show up, smile, and make small talk with them for a few days it would make them feel a lot better.  It would also make me feel a little less shitty when I made excuses for their next few invitations.  They haven't seen me in about four months, and they asked me to come back for Christmas.  They did nothing to guilt me into it.  I was just a naturally guilty person.  So about a week into December I told them I would spend some time with them over the holidays, and that seemed to make them happy.  I still couldn't force myself to see this visit as anything other than a chore, but I promised myself that I would hide this feeling from my parents and younger siblings.

They called me again on December twenty-first to make plans, and I told them I'd come over and spend a few days with them.  I wasn't looking forward to the ten hour drive south, but I tried to make myself sound excited.  I knew it didn't work, but hoped they would understand that I had never been one to get very excited.  Even as I told myself this after hanging up, I knew it wasn't true.  My mom, though she would refuse to show it, would without a doubt take this personally.  But at least I was going.  I knew that my younger brother and sister were much more affectionate and devoted to my parents than I was, but they didn't acknowledge it.  Again, thinking this, I reminded myself: I am a terrible son.

I started to drive south in my "new" car towards my parents' house.  It was an old Toyota but it got me from place to place and drove surprisingly well.  I paid four thousand dollars for it, and immediately felt anxious after I did so.  This car is ten years old and used.  What if it breaks down?  I might as well have stuffed my money in the trash.  But it didn't.  It was a good car.  I'd rather have a car like this than a brand new, hugely expensive model.  No leases, no bullshit.  I had never been a fan of bullshit.

It didn't feel like I had left town until I reached the tree line after driving some forty miles.  That's not to say there weren't plenty of trees before, but now I was in a forest.  On both sides of highway, all that could be seen was a thick green beauty.  And as I drove on and on the trees thinned out.  The ones that stood were smaller than the towering giants I had seen twenty miles back.  These were a dirtier shade of green, as if their leaves were coated in dust.  The stumps here were more plentiful than the giants I had seen before.  Five miles after that, there were no trees.  And then I continued driving, and passed through another forest.  It was smaller, but contained much more life.  It was obvious that it had been undisturbed by humans for quite some time.  I liked that, and disliked it at the same time.  I'd rather be lost in the middle of a forest than sit in that goddamn dorm room listening to records and pretending I care about things.

This tree was neither thick nor small- perhaps with a diameter three quarters the size of a telephone pole's.  What is this?  Why is it growing from the concrete?  Of course, it wasn't growing from the concrete.  It was on the side of the road, the bottom portion bent from growing alongside the concrete.  I pulled to the side of the road when I was able to, two miles ahead of the tree.  I pulled out my phone and began to write/speak my story idea.  I switched between furious typing and voice recognition software that worked surprisingly better than expected.  The story went something like this:

"I had hit the pole hard enough to kill my car's ten year old engine, but not hard enough to give myself anything more than a small cut on the side of my face.  My car's back half in the road, front half wrapped around the tree, I got out, sat on the hood, and smoked a cigarette.  I was very angry.  Maybe too angry.  I don't get angry very often, but when I do, I get extremely angry.  I could not move my car out of the road, and so I just sat there on the hood and stared at the corner I had passed, expecting a motorist to fly around it at any moment and kill the both of us.  I got off the hood of my car after maybe three minutes and walked down to the creak that was about one hundred feet away from the tree.

I did not see the car rounding the corner, nor did I see it slam into the back of my car and send both of the vehicles off the road.  I did not see the man in the front seat smash his head through his windshield, and I did not see his car roll over.  I heard it though.  It was like a bullet whizzed past my head; I jumped and instinctively ran towards my car.  I knew what had happened even before I saw the wreckage.

Half of the man's face was hanging off of his skull.  The other half was plastered to the concrete on the very edge of the road.  How the hell did that happen? I thought after I spat the remaining chunks of vomit onto the forest ground.  I panicked then, but at the same time thought about how I could write an article about this, maybe get a decent magazine to publish it.  I shouldn't be thinking this, I thought as I continued to think about it.  The themes of my writing were always very dark and disturbing.  Plenty of people have been seriously concerned by what I write about.  It was just what I was drawn to; writing about serial killers does not make you a serial killer.   
Of course I wouldn't write a story about this.  I just couldn't process what was happening.  I was dazed and-"

I stopped mid sentence, staring at my phone.  A wannabe writer writing about a writer being placed in a terrible situation.  How original.  I pressed the button on the side of my phone and slid it back into my pocket.  That story would require some work.  I enjoyed the part where the guy's face fell off though, and decided while writing it that I would be keeping at least those lines.

I put way too much of myself in that small two minute scribble, but I always did that.  I started by scribbling down an idea with myself as the main character and went from there, giving the character his or her own characteristics until he or she became an entirely different entity than me.  So that part about the disturbed subject matter was me.  It was something that I had always done.  Sometimes I couldn't even show anyone what I'd written because I knew they'd think I was crazy.  People never understood that writing was an outlet for me- a way to express myself and imagine terrible things that I hoped never to experience in reality.  Sometimes I intentionally wrote the most obscene and morbid stories I possibly could, just to see how fucked up I could make it.  Then I'd chuckle, save it on my computer, not tell anyone about it, and forget it existed for months.  Depressing, degrading, and detestable themes helped me make sense of a depressing, degrading, detestable world.

I drove on then, imagining what else I could do with the story- where else I could take it.  Then I thought, This story sounds fine now, but I'll run into a dead end and give up on it like the others.  I tried to push this thought out of my head but couldn't, so I stopped thinking about the story and put some music on.

The next morning I woke up in that old, shitty high school bed.  I'd gotten home at eleven or so the previous night, talked to everyone for a small amount of time, and gone to sleep.  The bed was as terribly squeaky as I remembered it.  I do not want to be here, I realized.  I love these people, but I don't want to be here.  I got up and brushed my teeth.  They have never done anything to hurt me.  I have no right to not want to be here.  I took a shower.  Am I a bad person?  I ate breakfast.

I walked around the outside of the house that I had only lived in for about half a year.  I didn't like it then, and still didn't.  But the outside is beautiful, or at least that's what they've all told me.  I guess I had just never really paid attention to it.  It wasn't really our land that was beautiful, or the dead, empty field behind that land.  It was the hills.  On the other side of Highway One they sat, half dead, half alive.  No, a little more dead than alive, but still beautiful.  And I went inside for a coffee, making do with the bottom of the pot, now barely warm.  And I drank it.  And told myself I'd be up for whatever they wanted to do- that I'd force myself to leave the house with them if they wanted to do something.  And they all woke up, and came into the kitchen, and I smiled that fake smile that was ingrained into my head- the smile that everyone thought was real until I really smiled.  And they wanted to take me around Santa Maria, maybe see a movie.  And they asked me this.  And they asked me that.  And
then I went outside, smoked a cigarette, calmed down.  So many goddamn questions.  It bothered me.  I didn't want it to bother me but it did.  So I smoked the cigarette and went back inside and they were all disappointed in me.  My brother and sister didn't know that I smoked, I remembered.  Shit.  Oh well.
And then I answered the questions, one by one.  Then they ate, and so did I.

Pills for breakfast.  Cigarettes for lunch.  Coffee for dinner.

***

I saw three of my friends from high school the next day.  It was uncomfortable and just pointless.  They might as well not have been there.  Old memories poured through my head as I drove through that town that I had grown up in.  It was like a stopper from which a steady stream of sand seeped out until the stopper was removed and all the sand poured in at once.  Elementary school was awful; the bad memories overshadowed the good ones.  It was simply not a good experience.  I didn't want to remember all the bad shit, but as I drove past my old elementary school campus (which was now a high school that my sister attended) the thoughts clouded my brain.  A thick fog rolled through.

I met these friends, who had nearly forgotten me entirely, for lunch at Natural Café.  I picked around my food as always and rolled away.  I was in my car before I was in my car, and I was home before I was home.  Home, and I was thinking of northern California, for the first time.  This place did not exist if I was not in it, and I'd rather have it that way.  So I focused on home during lunch instead of my friends, who were only making small talk anyway.  I tried to make myself look invested in the conversation and failed to do so, as always.

The following two days went the same as the first, but on the fourth something changed.  I had been moping around and I knew that I wasn't putting on a happy enough face for my family.  On that fourth day, I drove east (alone).  I wasn't going anywhere in particular, just driving.  That was when I remembered what I liked about central California- the landscape, the earth- it was beautiful.  I suddenly had an urge to drive southeast until I saw the endless orange groves that I used to see on my way to Los Angeles.  I wanted to drive through Ojai; I wanted to try to find a quiet place like that, with beautiful oranges and rolling hills.  I didn't drive there, but decided that I might before going back north.  At any rate, this reminded me of something I needed to be reminded of- that I very much like central California.  Or the idea of it, that is.  Did a place like that exist?  A nice big patch of property where I could grow oranges and live for the rest of my life?  I don't think so.  Because even though I love this idea, I know that it is very unlikely.  All it is is a fantasy.  Some people dream of mansions, and I dreamed of this.  I also dreamed of living in a perpetually foggy place, in a dark, gothic old house, or maybe some lonely house off of a sinister forest road.  All of these fantasies were appealing to me, but the fact is that there aren't any places that have all of the things I hoped for- wherever I ended up living, I'd be giving up another experience I could have had in another place.  So instead, I didn't actually try to bring any of these fantasies to life.  What would be the point of that?  Then they wouldn't be fantasies.

I don't want to know my future, or even think about it.  I just want to exist, and see where I end up.  That is how I have lived my life.  I am in control of my own person.  Nothing has me permanently tied down.  I don't have to do anything but exist.  That's comforting.  It makes me feel productive when I know I'm not. 

I'd always found it strange, the way those drives made me feel.  A cigarette and a thirty minute lone drive had always given me a better perspective.  I remember when I was in high school, I'd drive these twisty roads when I was pissed off about something.  I'd smoke a cigarette and listen to whatever music I was into at the time while I drove and when I finally got home, I usually felt at least a little bit better.  My car was my therapist now.  The human one who my parents generously gave me money to see was just an expensive, legal drug dealer.  That's okay, each has its use.  The car is more to my liking; it does not have a mouth.

***

I exist.  For the next two days at this old house, I make sure I treat my family politely and with as much happiness as I can muster.  They seemed to like it.  I'm glad.  I did not drive back to the university, not yet.  Instead I continued further south, following roads I chose towards areas that looked interesting.  I was disappointed every time because each destination was not, in fact, interesting.  Well, the places themselves were interesting, I was just uninterested.  I stole some oranges from a farmer's orange grove and ate them at the top of a nearby hill.  I pulled over and sat on the hood of my car, staring at the horizon.  The oranges weren't ripe at all.  It was winter, I reminded myself.  I tossed the one I had peeled and taken a bite out of into the bushes and got back on the road.  I drove back north, stopping at a cheap motel for the night.  I couldn't bear stopping back at my parents' house; they thought I had already gone back to the university.

The next day I woke up slowly, took a shower, and drove.  I drove until I had to stop, and then drove some more.

I was back at the university before I knew it.  It was uglier than I remembered even after just a few days, but I'd be too hungover in the morning to notice.  The plan was to go to my dorm room and drink a large amount of the hardest liquor my roommate had.  Driving really takes it out of you.  I found some old Tequila, and took a few (six) shots, and passed out on my shitty cot-like bed.  It wasn't actually that shitty- just small and uncomfortable.  I was too tired to care, and when I woke up the next morning, it was one o'clock in the afternoon.  I had gotten back last night pretty late, but I couldn't remember the exact time.  I was pretty sure that I had gotten a decent amount of sleep, but who could say for sure?  I always woke up tired anyway.

Second semester began two weeks later.  All I did before that was work part time at a fast food restaurant and twiddle my thumbs.

Second semester felt both better and worse than the first at the same time.  I was more comfortable with the campus, but the college freshman excitement had died.  Completely gone.  But it didn't matter, because I didn't think much about school anymore anyway.

I sat and existed like I never could before.  I learned to let insults slide off of my skin like a bead of water on a wetsuit, and I gradually became more and more independent.  I continued to wait for something to happen, one month, two months, before promising myself that if nothing happened by the end of second semester, I'd make something happen.

The semester ended on the same note as it began, but I had passed all of my classes and gotten some much needed credit.  As promised, I decided to do something with myself.  I sat myself down in front of my computer, with the intention of working for at least two hours before taking a break.

I began to write.
About twenty percent of these people are assholes; the rest I just don't like.

Clerks Scene - Title Doesn't Dictate Behavior

CHARACTER STUDY (I)

Professor #1:
Henry Freebourn sits in a chair, relaxed.  He never takes notes but still manages to pass all the tests.  I glare at him and the other slackers from beneath my spectacles as I stand in front of the class, lecturing.  I can't help but think how much I'd love to walk up to each of those little bitches and punch em in the face.  I want to feel their bones with my knuckles.  I want to hear Henry's glasses snap against his nose.  That would be so great. 

Professor #2:
Henry Freebourn sits in a chair, relaxed.  He never takes notes but still manages to pass all the tests.  That's pretty goddamn impressive.  In fact, he reminds me a lot of myself when I was a student.  If he had applied himself more, he could have gone so much farther.  But he's okay with his academic performance.  He's one of the students who has potential.

Me:
I just exist.  I work towards my degree.  I'm not sure what my major will be yet; I didn't have to declare a major when I applied to this place, so that was cool.  I am not as sickened by this place as I was by my high school.  Less fences. 

I just renewed my medical marijuana license last week and the local dispensary is actually pretty nice.  I buy a lot of THC pills these days, mostly because it's a lot more convenient than smoking when in public.  The pharmacy in town is not that bad either.  My new therapist is a lot better than my old one, and he put me on something that I can actually feel.  I can't remember if I took any this morning so I take two now and force myself to eat a protein bar and a banana and get moving.  I've got a class at twelve o'clock and it's only 11:25, so I have time to stop at the library and look for a book.  Time slips away from me and it's 11:55.  I can get there in ten minutes if I try really hard.  Still late.  Oh well, I better go I realize.  It's probably important.  So I do.

I sit in a chair, relaxed.  I listen to the lecture for ten minutes and absorb quite a bit of great information.  Then I space out and get lost in my thoughts.  I watch the clock for most of the class, but also take some notes to feel like I did something productive.  That's enough for today.  I check what time it is and listen to the professor lecture for a little while longer and before I know it the class has ended.  I'm going to go eat something.

Masterpiece Idea #2

I think it would be cool to learn the basics of coding.  This website seems like a good place to start:

http://www.codecademy.com/

PHONAR14 VIDEO

Well...

Today I did something that everyone who drives a car will probably do at some point- I left stuff on top of my car and drove away.  Unfortunately that stuff happened to be two notebooks with schoolwork in them.  And yes... one of them was my English journal.  So all of the work I did in my journal is lost, which sucks, especially since I forgot to turn it in last week.  I lost my graphing calculator too.  I didn't realize it for like an hour so by the time I got back my notebooks and calculator were gone, probably thrown away.  Now I've only got about 10 papers with tire tracks on them.  My bad.  I messed up, but at least I'm pretty certain that I won't leave anything on top of my car in the near future.

I can't change it though, so no use thinking about the past.  I bought two fresh notebooks so it's cool.  New journal begins tomorrow.

Notes pg 74-82, 90-115

Bede's work - p. 74-82

A History of the English Church and People

• Britain was once named Albion
• France is referred as "Belgic Gaul"
• Multiple other countries are spoken of but have different names; written 1300 years ago
• Excerpt is about Britain; Bede clearly loves the country
• "...in which are often found excellent pearls of several colors: red, purple, violet, and green, but mainly white."  [textbook pg. 76]  The use of a variety of colors makes it seem like a more vibrant place; Bede uses this in support of Britain
• He also states, "...the older the cloth, the more beautiful its color." [pg. 76]  Again Bede is using his literary techniques to influence the opinion of the reader.  It would be great if things became more beautiful with time, but that usually does not happen.  This makes it seem an unusual place in a good way.
• More insight into the time period: "...all are united in their study of God's truth..." [pg. 76].  This is referring to the alliance of four countries.  This is one of the strongest things that united them; anyone who did not share their views was an enemy
• Reference to women: "...when any dispute arose, they should choose a king from the female royal line rather than the male." [pg. 77]  Interesting that Bede says "a king from the female royal line" instead of queen.  That word did not yet exist.

The Anglo Saxon Chronicle


Prologue to Canterbury Tales- p. 90-115

DECLARATION OF LEARNING INDEPENDENCE

I declare that I am not limited to the learning that I experience through school; using outside resources [the Internet] I will advance my learning myself.  I declare that independently I can teach myself just as well as many public school teachers.

VOCABULARY #4

obsequious - attentive in an ingratiating or servile manner; attempting to win favor from influential people by flattery
Example: The obsequious Frank Underwood from House of Cards always knows exactly when and how to flatter the person he is speaking with.

beatitude - a state of supreme happiness
Example: I was jealous of her constant beatitude; she was rarely sad.

bete noire - a person or thing that one particularly dislikes
Example: I cannot be in this room any longer with my bete noire; I will hurt this man.

bode - indicate by signs
Example: In As I Lay Dying, the two collapsed bridges did not bode well for the Bundrens.

dank - unpleasantly cool and humid
Example: The dragon's dank cave did not deter Beowulf, who refused to quit until the monster was dead.

ecumenical - of worldwide scope or applicability; concerned with promoting unity among churches or religions
Example: Christianity will never be an ecumenical religion; it is broken up into many sects that will never agree with one another.

fervid - extremely hot; characterized by intense emotion
Example: The fervid desert began to melt my brain; I knew then that I would die here.

fetid - offensively malodorous
Example: The fetid bathrooms at Righetti disgust me beyond words.  It's hard to believe there aren't any regulations that require these bathrooms to be cleaned at least a little bit.

gargantuan - of great mass; huge and bulky
Example: Looking down on the peasants, the chief of police felt gargantuan; no one would question his authority.

heyday - the period of greatest prosperity or productivity
Example: I wish I had been able to try Coke in its heyday, when it had cocaine in it.

incubus - a male demon believed to lie on sleeping persons and to have sexual intercourse with sleeping women; someone who depresses or worries others; a situation resembling a terrifying dream
Example: It was only a matter of time before she discovered I was an incubus and left.

infrastructure - the stock of basic facilities and capital equipment needed for the functioning of a country or area; the basic structure or features of a system or organization
Example: The infrastructure of the American public system needs to be rebuilt from the ground up.

inveigle - influence or urge by gentle urging, caressing, or flattering
Example: It wasn't until the next week, after she had left, that I questioned how she was able to inveigle me to such a huge degree.

kudos - an expression of approval and commendation
Example: Kudos to Snowden for his exposure of the extent of the NSA's reach to the American public.

lagniappe - a small gift (especially one given by a merchant to a customer who makes a purchase)
Example: When he showed me the lagniappe that he was offering to go along with the book (a small collectible created by the author) I knew I had to make the purchase.

prolix - tediously prolonged or tending to speak or write at great length
Example: No offense to Nesper, but his lectures are very prolix.

protégé - a person who receives support and protection from an influential patron who furthers the protege's career
Example: The worst part of his death was the fact that it was his protégé who shot him.

prototype - a standard or typical example
Example: Watchmen is the prototype of political expression through comics.

sycophant - a person who tries to please someone in order to gain a personal advantage
Example: I'm sick of being around sycophants like you.

tautology - useless repetition of an idea, statement, or word
Example: This teacher's tautology makes his class excruciating.

truckle -yield to out of weakness; try to gain favor by cringing or flattering
Example: I was at a loss for words and had to truckle; I was too unprepared to win this argument.

LITERATURE ANALYSIS #1

"How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home."

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
[For page number reference: First Vintage International Edition, October 1990]

1.  The inciting incident in As I Lay Dying is when Addie Bundren becomes severely sick.  The exposition expands upon the characters, mainly taking place on the Bundren farm.  Cash builds the coffin, Darl and Jewel head into town to make three dollars, and Anse relaxes at home.  As they leave the house, things begin to advance and the plot enters the rising action stage.  The family tries to get Addie buried in Jefferson, forty miles from their home.  This stage details the obstacles and struggles they must overcome to complete their mission.  The climax of the story is when Darl is arrested for burning down the barn.  The falling action is what comes directly after; Dewey Dell is taken advantage of by the doctor and Darl is taken to Jackson.  The resolution brings an end to the story, closing it off.  This is when Anse introduces the rest of the family to Mrs. Bundren, whom he met only the day before.  He also shows off his brand new teeth, bought with the small amount of money the family had left.

2.  Thematically, As I Lay Dying deals with death, family, and loss.  The story revolves around the family trying to carry Addie's body to Jefferson; the actual death happens near the beginning of the novel, but it stays present until the end.  Buzzards begin to follow the Bundrens as they advance on their journey, and the smell of Addie's body becomes stronger and stronger.  The ugly realities of death are spoken of- realities that people typically shy away from. 
     The complexity of family is a steady theme of the novel, which thoroughly studies all aspects of the family. 

3.  Faulkner's tone through this novel is rather cynical and dark.  One of my favorite lines from the novel sums up the tone well:  "'God Almighty, why didn't Anse carry you to the nearest sawmill and stick your leg in the saw?  That would have cured it.  Then you all could have stuck his head into the saw and cured a whole family...'" [Page 240].  Anse's reaction to Addie's death shows that Faulkner's tone is also darkly comical.  "Pa breathes with a quiet, rasping sound, mouthing the snuff against his gums.  'God's will be done,' he says, 'Now I can get them teeth.'" [Page 52].  Note: Anse has lost most of his teeth and wants to go into town and buy dentures.  Another example of Faulkner's dark and cynical tone can be found in Dewey Dell's interaction with the second doctor, who trades her talcum-powder filled pills for sex, which he tells her will terminate her pregnancy.
     "'Are you sure it'll work?' she says.
     'Sure,' I says.  'When you take the rest of the treatment.'
     'Where do I take it?' she says.
     'Down in the cellar,' I says." [Page 248].

4.  "Squatting, Dewey Dell's wet dress shapes for the dead eyes of three blind men those ludicrosities which are the horizons and the valleys of the Earth." [Page 164].  This metaphor carries a lot of meaning, adding
     "My mother is a fish." [Page 84].  The symbol of the fish reappears throughout the novel, with relation to Vardaman.  "My mother is not in the box.  My mother does not smell like that.  My mother is a fish." [Page 196].  Adds to the theme of death and Vardaman's encounter with it.  No young child wants to smell the eight-day old rotting body of his mother.
     Darl's philosophical musings incorporate a lot of literary elements.  "Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addie Bundren will not be.  And Jewel is, so Addie Bundren must be.  And then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room.  And so if I am not empty yet, I am is." [Pages 80-81].  This quote is very layered and heavy, and is also a departure from Darl's usually proper grammar.
     "Darl puts the rope back, pulling hard.  Cash's teeth look out.  'Hurt?' Darl says." [Page 196].  This is an example of personification; Cash's teeth did not literally "look out."  He was baring his teeth in pain caused by his broken leg.
     Faulkner uses repetition to explain Darl's mental state.  "Darl is our brother, our brother Darl.  Our brother Darl in a cage in Jackson where, his grimed hands lying light in the quiet interstices, looking out he foams.  'Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.'" [Page 254].  Whether or not Darl was insane, as most everyone believed by the end, is a matter of perspective.
     "...After a while the two lines are too far apart for the same person to straddle from one to the other; and that sin and love and fear are just sounds that people who never sinned nor loved nor feared have for what they never had and cannot have until they forget the words." [Pages 173-174].  These are "sounds" and not words because the people forming them have no real concept of them.  Faulkner is able to expressive a very large concept with this sentence.
     "I heard that my mother is dead.  I wish I had more time to let her die.  I wish I had time to wish I had.  It is because in the wild and outraged earth too soon too soon too soon." [Page 120].  Again, Faulkner's literary technique is very disjointed, but this is on purpose.  It expresses the feelings of a person in shock or grieving in the wake of a relative's death.
     Faulkner does not refer to what Cash is making as a coffin for a long time, but it is clear very early what it is, though the reader is left to infer it.  "Where every breath she draws is full of his knocking and sawing where she can see him saying See.  See what a good one I am making for you.  I told him to go somewhere else.  I said Good God do you want to see her in it." [Page 14].
     "Whitfield stops at last.  The women sing again.  In the thick air it's like their voices come out of the air, flowing together and on in the sad, comforting tunes." [Page 91].  Faulkner's description of the voices as 'flowing' makes the reader think of water.
     "The water was cold.  It was thick, like slush ice.  Only it kind of lived.  One part of you knowed it was just water, the same thing that had been running under this same bridge for a long time, yet when them logs would come spewing up outen it, you were not surprised, like they was a part of the water, of the waiting and the threat." [Page 138].  The water is personified here, as if it willfully shot logs at people.  It is a very real threat, and causes huge trouble for the Bundrens when trying to cross the river.  This technique makes the water seem a living threat comparable to a person lurking in the shadows with a gun.

CHARACTERIZATION

1.  Direct characterization examples:  Anse is directly described to the reader by Darl.  "Pa leans above the bed in the twilight, his humped silhouette partaking of that owl-like quality of awry-feathered, disgruntled outrage within which lurks a wisdom too profound or too inert for even thought." [Page 49].  Here, Cash is directly characterized.  "Cash works on, half turned into the feeble light, one thigh and one pole-thin arm braced, his face sloped into the light with a rapt, dynamic immobility above his tireless elbow." [Page 76].

Indirect characterization examples:  You learn a lot about Anse from a conversation between Vernon and his wife, Cora.  "'His place was there,' Cora said.  'If he had been a man, he would a been there instead of making his sons do what he dursn't.'" [Page 153].  Anse is indirectly characterized by Dewey Dell:  "Pa dassent sweat because he will catch his death from the sickness so everybody that comes to help us." [Page 26].  Darl is indirectly and directly characterized throughout the novel.  "I cannot love my mother because I have no mother.  Jewel's mother is a horse." [Page 95].  Shows Darl's disconnect from his mother, or her disconnect from him.

     The use of both direct and indirect characterization towards nearly every character in the book allows for a well-rounded view of the character.  Anse believes he is doing what is right, even if it makes trouble for the rest of his family.  By the end I thoroughly disliked Anse's character, even though positive sides of him were presented.  As I Lay Dying is primarily a character study; a large amount of time is spent developing each character.

2.  Yes, Faulkner's diction and syntax both vary greatly between characters.  The novel is written in first person but from the perspectives of multiple characters.  Most characters do not use proper grammar or large vocabulary words.  From the perspective of Anse, "Well, I reckon I aint no call to expect no more of him than of his man-growed brothers." [Page 38].
     Compare that to this passage that is from the perspective of Darl: "For an instant it resists, as though volitional, as though within it her pole-thin body clings furiously, even though dead, to a sort of modesty, as she would have tried to conceal a soiled garment that she could not prevent her body soiling." [Pages 97-98].

Despite this variance in diction and syntax Faulkner is able to make most characters seem equally intelligent, which is one of the best aspects of this novel.

3.  There is no traditional protagonist in As I Lay Dying; instead, the family is its own protagonist.  The family is very round though.  Each individual is characterized well; Faulkner balances the focus very equally amongst them.  Anse is a round character, but static and not dynamic.  In the end of the novel, he is still the same old Anse.  Darl's arrest didn't faze him, nor did the loss of Cash's leg.  In ten days since his wife's death, Anse is remarried.  Darl is definitely dynamic and round, as is Vardaman.  Darl undergoes a massive character transformation from the beginning of the novel to the end, and it is very effective

4.  I felt like I could relate to some of the characters as people by the end of the novel.  Particularly Darl, whose last chapter is strange and a departure from the format of the the others.  Each of these characters did seem like people though.  Dewey Dell's unwanted pregnancy is something not typically addressed in older novels, and the fact that she cannot find a doctor who will give her an abortion.  The difficulty for women to have access to safe and legal abortions is still a problem in the modern day, and Faulkner's acknowledge of it brings Dewey Dell further towards life.

Which Iraq War Are You? [Clickhole Quiz]

Click this link for a nice quiz:

Which Iraq War Are You? - Clickhole

My Possible Masterpiece (?) Still Unsure

I have thought for a while about what I'd like to do for my masterpiece...  Every time I have an idea for what I could do I'll put it on my blog and then choose whichever one I like best.

Idea:  I'm thinking about writing a paper on how Righetti has let me down as a student and a person.  I will also discuss how the way the public school system treats kids has a very negative impact on learning.  No, I'm not going to be insulting teachers.  I won't be badmouthing anyone; I'm going to use facts to write this paper.  I will write about how difficult it is to be taken seriously as a student.

But as I said in the title, I'm still unsure of whether or not I will stick with this idea.  The biggest factor right now is how Hutton handles the questions I have about the gates.  Unfortunately he is very hard to get a hold of.  I went into his office today since it wasn't locked.  I spoke with a secretary who basically told me the same thing they always say: the reason there isn't someone unlocking the gate in the 600 block at lunch to let seniors who have finished classes leave is because they "don't have anyone else."  I asked her when Hutton would be in, since he was the one I actually wanted to talk to, and she told me maybe after lunch "if there isn't a situation." It would be cool if Hutton had a set time where he was in his office and students could talk with him... but of course that would be too much of a hassle; he doesn't have time for us.

So the excuse for the gate is that there is not enough security.  Obviously this is a lie... on the entire campus full of staff, you can't get one person in the entire school to open a single gate at the other end of the school?  Instead they coral us into one segregated entrance, and give us no other way to get out.  There are police out in the quad every once in a while at lunch surveying everything, and they are always on campus.  Why do they need so many security guards to wander around and keep tabs on us when they have cops there?  [Which brings up another issue- the installation of cops on campus.  But I'm not going to get into how much that angers me right now.]  I am just... sick of the way these people handle this stuff, and other situations on campus.

There would obviously be a solution to this if they cared enough, but the fact of the matter is that it is convenient for them and inconvenient for students to only open one gate.  The idea that it's okay to earn your pay for the day as easily as you can without paying attention to the students is common across this country, and many others as well.  I think that if your job is in the field of education you have an obligation to help the students who go to the school you work at.

The situation I wrote about is just an example of this distorted public school system.  The most important thing I've learned (though I've learned a lot from a lot of great teachers) is the injustice of class division, and I didn't learn that from the textbooks.  The fact that they won't unlock the gate isn't what I have the biggest problem with, but the implications of this.  When you stop and think about this- the fact that they felt the solution to issues they had with an open campus was to put up a giant locked fence- you get to the heart of the ideals of the American public school system.  I want to convey something like this in my masterpiece, but I'm not sure if it will be aimed at the school system or not yet.

I have also always been interested in the lives of serial killers or other people who commit horrible acts and what they feel psychologically, so maybe I could do a masterpiece on something to do with this... If I think of something good I'll post an idea.

Why I have (always had) an authority problem

As I tried to leave Righetti's Campus by the front door today as I've been doing for 3 weeks, I was shouted at by the people working who said I could no longer exit there.  Sick of this kind of treatment, I confronted someone.  I was hoping to be treated like a human but I was treated like a child.

I asked why I couldn't go through and they said because it was disruptive.  Then I asked, since that was the case, why don't you unlock a gate in the 600 block for people who have to go that way?  As usual, they did not even try to answer my question but instead told me to go over to Hutton.  I did and the goddamm office was locked.  This school is a disgrace.  The people in these offices couldn't care less about us.

The worst part was the way this guy I talked to tried to humiliate me in front of 5 people.  As two guys exited the front, he yelled and went after them.  Turns out it was his son and a friend so naturally it's fine,  while I was still blocked from leaving.  I said "So it's okay when it's your kid?  All right, goodbye."  I tried to leave then and he called me back.  He asked if I was ok in a tone that sounded not like he cared about me, but like he was establishing his authority.  Then he called me out for my shaking hands, an issue that I have had and been insecure about for years.  Feeling like shit, I left the office and walked out the 100 block gate.  Then I walked back in the opposite direction to my car.

"A gate isn't worth getting worked up about," he told me.  I disagree.  It's not about the gate but the fact that I was harassed and treated like I was subhuman. 

I wanted to put this here because I have constantly been treated poorly by the people in Righetti's office and by security.  They have no respect, nor do they pretend to.  Dr. Preston seems to be one of the few teachers on campus who gives a shit about this kind of thing so I figured it would be fine to post it here.

I'm sick of the intimidation they employ by getting in your face, and I'm sick of the disgust I can see in their eyes every time they look at me.
I just want these condescending administrators and faculty to treat me like I am a fucking person.
It's the least they can do.

I have always hated authority because I have been in so many situations like this.  I guess that's just the type of person I am.  I will never be okay with people talking down to me like that.  If you are irritated about a school policy, speak up.  They want you to think you're insignificant and can do nothing to make a change, but that isn't true.  When they piss you off, let them know.

VOCABULARY #3

1.  accolade - a tangible symbol signifying approval or distinction
Example:  The accolades on his chest meant nothing to me; he had earned them in another time.

2.  acerbity - a sharp bitterness; a rough and bitter manner
Example:  Your excessive acerbity makes me want to punch myself in the face but in a good way.

3.  attrition - a wearing down to weaken or destroy; sorrow for sin arising from fear of damnation
Example:  Wrought with the attrition his parents had embedded in him, his mind was fracturing.

4.  bromide - a trite or obvious remark
Example:  Next time try to keep that bromide to yourself.

5.  chauvinist - a person with a prejudiced belief in the superiority of his or her own kind
Example:  Perhaps people would like you more if you were less of a chauvinist.

6.  chronic - being long-lasting and recurrent or characterized by long suffering
Example:  It was only with medical grade chronic that she was able to lessen the crushing weight of her chronic insomnia and achieve some degree of terrifying sleep.

7.  expound - add details, as to an account or idea; clarify the meaning of and discourse in a learned way, usually in writing; state
Example:  Can you please expound upon this ridiculously vague law that allows for state sponsored prejudice?

8.  factionalism - the breaking apart of a larger group into factions, smaller groups each with their own ideas/agendas
Example:  The innate factionalism of politics assures us that democracy is not possible.

9.  immaculate - completely neat and clean; free from stain or blemish; without fault or error
Example:  The are not as immaculate as you claim to be; I know what you have done and it is disgusting.

10.  imprecation - the act of calling down a curse that invokes evil (and usually serves as an insult); a slanderous accusation
Example:  Unbeknownst to them, my imprecations were not empty words; I had invoked the majestic power of Lucifer, who now held claim to their souls.

11.  ineluctable - impossible to avoid or evade:"inescapable conclusion"
Example:  I suppose this was ineluctable I thought to myself as the man in the white mask took a power saw to my legs.

12.  mercurial - relating to or having characteristics (eloquence, shrewdness, swiftness, thievishness) attributed to the god Mercury
Example:  Your mercurial nature suits you, but gets annoying after a time.

13.  palliate - provide physical relief, as from pain; lessen or to try to lessen the seriousness or extent of
Example:  The only procedure that could palliate the burning black cloud in her mind was taken from her by people who were intent on controlling her body.

14.  protocol - code of correct conduct; forms of ceremony and etiquette observed by diplomats and heads of state
Example:   Such a casual dismissal of protocol deserves a reprimand at the very least, but the officer responsible was instead placed on paid laid.

15.  resplendent - having great beauty and splendor
Example:  The resplendent forest was quickly turned into a desolate wasteland by men interested only in profit.

16.  stigmatize - mark with a stigma or stigmata; to accuse or condemn or openly or formally or brand as disgraceful
Example:  Because of his use of medical marijuana to alleviate his depression he was stigmatized by his family.

17.  sub rosa- in secret; privately or confidentially
Example:  We met sub rosa on the hill at midnight; it felt like the rest of the world was draped in fog.

18.  vainglory - outspoken conceit
Example:  This disrespect emanating from this vainglorious, self-titled cuber is really getting on my nerves.

19.  vestige - an indication that something has been present
Example:  There was no vestige at the bottom of the hill save for a dead rat; it was then that I knew if I stayed here I would die alone.

20.  volition - the act of making a choice; the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention
Example:  You don't have the volition to handle something with such big consequences; you only have the money.

Beowulf and the Modern Epic

          Beowulf is not a poem; it is a photograph.  It is a freeze frame of the values of the society from which it came.  Clearly, Beowulf is a Christian poem.  The religiousness of the era is on full display here, with pagans portrayed as evil.  As the first English language epic, Beowulf is an important jumping off point for examining the evolution of the epic.  In today’s world, epics are very highly regarded.  They have branched out in all directions in regard to content, but almost all of them share the same goal: to entertain.  Or rather, to capitalize on entertainment.  The greatest variation between modern epics and Beowulf is not in structure but in characterization.  Perhaps the most well-known contemporary hero is Harry Potter.  In comparison to Beowulf, Harry Potter’s strength is intellectual and not physical.  His character has a myriad of traits that serve as stark contrasts to Beowulf’s, yet the concept of heroism is similar in both.

            Heroic traits are reflective of the era in which they are from.  The vast differences between Beowulf and Harry Potter are a perfect example of this.  Harry is a modest person.  Though he has special abilities, he is a regular person.  Where Harry’s gift is magic, Beowulf’s is strength.  He does not fit the role of the “average human” as well as Harry does, but this is intentional.  He may come off as arrogant to a modern audience, but Beowulf was written in an entirely different period.  These traits of Beowulf’s were not excessively prideful; they were earned.  Beowulf was a hero who was able to back up his boasts.  Much as Beowulf has negative aspects to a modern audience, Harry would be viewed negatively by the audience Beowulf was written for.  He is not strong and is timid in the beginning.  He cares more about love than he does about fighting.  Yet the worst of all is the religious aspect.  Magic was seen as inherently evil by Christians at the time of Beowulf.  Wizardry is central to Harry Potter and it is portrayed as a tool for good, contrary to this viewpoint.

            Not only magic, but every pagan concept that clashed with Christianity was seen as evil by the authors of Beowulf.  Grendel is a monster; a murderous and uncivilized creature.  Pagans were viewed as being just as uncivilized by Christians, and were treated as subhuman.  The people who depicted extreme acts of violence in Beowulf did so while criticizing pagans for violence.  The violence in Beowulf was more than heroic for these people, it was godly.  Beowulf was killing evildoers who opposed his god; this was more than simply being honorable, it was holy through and through.  It’s easy to tell through reading Beowulf that the society that birthed it strictly adhered to Christian scripture.  Christianity was once as small as the pagan religions that Christians worked to erase from existence.  Moving forward this religion became massive and unparalleled in scope.  It would have been impossible for Beowulf to have had no ties to Christianity, yet the Harry Potter series was able to gain huge popularity without a big incorporation of religion into it.  Because of this Harry Potter, along with every other modern epic, was open to a much more diverse audience than Beowulf, which had no audience beside Christians.

            Beyond character, technology, and even language, the greatest change from Beowulf to a modern epic of one’s choice is the values held by the societies that they came from.  While Christianity is now a monolithic entity present in everyday life, it is no longer the sole element.  Where strength and victory were once the staples of a hero, smarts and kindness have replaced them.  The larger part of society has not embraced fundamentalist religion, which is similar in intensity to religion in Beowulf.  Society has experienced a shift in general ideas of morality as a result.  Because of the diversity of modern society, there is a wider range of what people think is right and wrong.  Though this range exists, there is still a primary set of morals that society accepts and pushes on those who disagree.

            Beowulf is the embodiment of first century values.  Through studying the text, one instantly gets a sense of the massive shift in what was considered morally acceptable then and now.  Modern audiences are exposed to a different kind of hero than Beowulf, such as Harry Potter.  Just like Beowulf, Harry Potter is a reflection of the society from which it came from.  Compassion is valued more than faith; intellect is valued more than strength.  What was once created for simple entertainment can now be looked back on by contemporary society as a piece of a puzzle that gives one insight into what life was like two thousand years ago.  Two thousand years from today, though print will likely not exist, people will look back on the epics of our time and use them to learn about society in this day and age.  Like Beowulf, any epic that accomplishes this transcends text; it becomes a photograph.